A few weeks ago, I came across an Elizabeth Bernstein article in the Wall Street Journal called “How to Deal With Other People’s Rude Behavior,” (also known as “I’m Sorry, I Think I’m Allergic to You”) which was about people who find others so irritating that they start breaking out in hives or itching. Ms. Bernstein herself talked about her recent stay at her parents’ home while her place was being renovated and how she found her dad’s throat clearing and her mom’s constant peering into her room while she was trying to work (and asking how things are going).
Do certain people’s behaviours make you do this?
I’m glad that someone wrote about this. While I don’t have parents like Ms. Bernstein’s), I definitely have so-called “social allergens.” According to the article, this is something that eventually happens, that individuals don’t necessarily find others all that irritating until they face it several times. The article also noted that these triggers fall into four different categories: people who are rude (“uncouth habits” like loud gum chewing or screaming into their phones), “egocentric actions” (not necessarily intentional, but definitely impersonal, like people who keep you on the phone, even after telling them that you need to go somewhere), “norm violations” (intentional, but impersonal violations such as standing in the middle of the sidewalk so they could finish texting (definitely an issue for me. I mean, REALLY? Can’t you move somewhere else? It’s not like you’re going to lose reception if you move just a few feet away) and finally, the fourth includes “irritants” that are both intentional and impersonal, often criticism (“thin people don’t are praised by media, they don’t have size/body issues.” (this is what bugs me the most)). WSJ noted that the person didn’t mean to make receiving individual feel bad, but he or she does.
Some say social media has increased incidents of “social allergies.” (I guess moms who text/use social media are even worse?)
I feel that there has been a significant increase in these “social allergies,” with the rise of social media. Aren’t there people you just can’t stand because of their political views (one reason why I don’t often post about politics on my wall) or their showoffyness? I know that there’s the unfriend button, but there are people you just have to continue some sort of online relationship with. Like a sibling, for example. I also think stress leads to people becoming more sensitive to these allergies – we just don’t have time to deal with annoying people. Another issue is culture clash. Decades ago, when communities were smaller and more close-knit, one would find more like-minded people. Even if you were born in Canada, if your parents were immigrants, you’d still be culturally more “old country,” rather than a melange of different cultures. However, this cannot be said for Gen X and millennials who grew up in larger cities. So yeah, many people in my age group (30-something) find our relatives’ behaviour sometimes annoying, even if these relatives grew up or have lived in Canada for decades (e.g. food pushing, which is common in many cultures. If I have to hear “sik lah, ho sik gah” (“Eat it! It’s really tasty!”) one more time from a family member, I think I’m going to scream (at least my parents don’t do it). Don’t you know what “no, thank you” means? And also, “good stuff” is NOT the correct answer if people ask what is in something). And often, when someone says (in Cantonese), “mmm sai, lah. Ho bow ah. Jan hai ah!!” (“It’s okay, I’m very full. Really”), they really mean it.
Do you think you’re allergic to certain people? Perhaps a family member? People who make certain comments? Or do you think so-called “experts” are just finding new issues to label people with? Share your feedback!
Image Credits: Angry Woman – © Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock; Mom Texting – © MachineHeadz/iStockphoto