The Lunar (Chinese) New Year starts on Friday, and for many of us, especially those who are lucky enough to have many relatives living in or near our hometown, it means dinners and celebrating with family. And if you have a big family, it means lots of uncles, aunts and cousins. And this can get confusing. Why? Because everyone can have several different titles, depending on the relationship degree, the side of the family and whether one is older or younger. This is very different from the English speaking world, where everyone is an aunt, uncle, cousin, parent, grandparent or sibling.
Neat video explaining relative names in Cantonese (goes really fast) via Off the Great Wall
As an only child, I have it a bit easier, since it automatically eliminates “yi/yi mah” (an aunt that is the sister (younger and older, respectively) of the child’s mother) and “gwoo jeh/gwoo mah” (aunt that is the sister of a child’s father). I am also not a gah jeh/mui (older sister and younger sister) – unless you’re very traditional and consider first cousins from one’s father’s side who share your last name (but in that sense, you’re a tong gah jeh or tong mui – though I am a biu jeh/biu mui (older female cousin/younger female cousin). And if my husband was Chinese, then I am also a cam moh (but I think the proper term is cao mo as cao fu means an uncle that is your mom’s brother) as his sister has a child.
The emphasis on the “aunt” and “uncle” also extends to cousins. In the English speaking world, a cousin that is one or more generations removed is still a cousin, and that part is usually emphasized. However, Chinese – or at least Cantonese speaking cultures – one needs to respect elders, so they are always aunts and uncles. Yes, the term bew is used, but it is the “yi/yi mah” or “suk/bak” that is emphasized. The individual is, therefore a cousin-aunt or cousin-uncle. I did not know this until I was well into my teens, so I was probably just as confused as my non-Chinese friends when we were talking about relatives! Note that given names are not traditionally used. For example, siblings are addressed by birth order – first elder sister, second elder brother and fourth younger sister, for example, if you’re the third child out of four.
I have found that those of us who were born and/or raised here are more likely to adopt English speaking terms for aunts and uncles just to avoid confusion (and probably because we are confused ourselves, not having been completely immersed in the culture. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is). For grandparents, however, traditional names remain. They are still gung gung and poh poh for parents of the mother or yeh yeh and mah mah (unstressed – stressing and using a higher tone would mean “mom”) for the parents of the father. This is a respect thing as the parents are usually immigrants. Any kids my husband and I have will call my parents gung gung and poh poh.
A small portion of a chart listing Chinese relative names (in Cantonese and Mandarin) via A Kwan Family Website (full chart)
Do I think any version is better or worse? Not really. Chinese kinship names can be a massive headache, but at least I don’t have to say whether a grandparent is from the mom’s side or the dad’s side, since it’s automatically known.
Do you come from a culture with different names for relatives, depending on degree of relationship and age? Does it make you crazy like it makes me? Do tell!
