Today is International Women’s Day. I’m not going to go on ranting about how we make less than men (true, but not exactly true at the same time, according to this Globe and Mail article. It sometimes has to do with the choices WE MAKE in the type of jobs WE TAKE. The so-called “mommy penalty” exists and I think this is one of the reasons WHY we (tend to) make less). Rather, I want to talk about two OTHER issues: How WE are often too mean to each other and what MEN need to do to further progress. We, as women, have already done A LOT of work to make changes in the past 150 years, such as getting the vote, making it “normal” for us to go to university, hold jobs other than teaching, nursing or typing and much more. And in some cultures, even being able to get a BASIC EDUCATION. My great-grandmothers was barely literate and had bound feet. Her daughter – my maternal grandmother – completed high school and had “normal” sized feet. This was a GIGANTIC STEP, especially compared to the changes made in the west during the same period.
We often talk about how our work isn’t done. It isn’t. But first, we need to stop being at each others’ throats. Progress can’t come if we are always mean to each other, criticizing each others’ views. And I see that. I’ve been personally attacked in an almost Donald Trump kind of way, both explicitly and implicitly, on my views, probably because they aren’t necessarily “typically” feminist according to the more vocal activists (some body image activists bug me when they say “all bodies” are beautiful AND that one shouldn’t make ANY changes. Sorry, people, but what if you aren’t healthy? And they also need to stop telling us smaller ladies have “thin girl privilege.” Sure, being “thin” is more accepted, but you needn’t criticize certain sizes in front of us. You needn’t be grossed out because some people wear size 0. Size 0 only exists due to vanity sizing. It’s still going to be a very small size if it were labelled 52. Only YOU would be size 62 if you wear a 10 now). I have been also told that I’m “fake” and that I “live in a bubble.” The “bubble” might be somewhat true – I grew up very comfortable and did not (and still do not) have to face issues other people do, but fake? It might not be YOUR reality, but life is FAR from fake. Harry Potter is fake. Game of Thrones is fake. I’m not saying that we need to agree with everything we say. Instead, we need to be “nicer” about it. Otherwise, we’ll sound like a Republican debate. And we all know THOSE GUYS behave. In other words, we need to stop being mean to each other. Being “nice” takes effort. I think the vast majority of us are born with a “mean girl” gene.
The #sharetheload ad that went viral
Another issue I think needs to change is our dominance over certain issues. In the first paragraph, I noted that we need to talk about guys and their work. I took an introduction to women’s studies course when I was in university and there was a great deal of talk about so-called “separate spheres” of work. What was NOT discussed – ever – was how MORE MEN need to break into “traditional” women’s roles. A recent laundry detergent commercial – from India, a culture typically seen as very “traditional” – really brought this into light. The ad, which went viral very quickly, featured a “modern” mom who seems to “have it all.” She comes home from work and immediately proceeds to doing household chores while her husband sits in front of the TV. Her dad is at her house and is the featured voiceover. He notices the two “jobs” she has and he sees the light. That he should have been more involved with chores (and that his son-in-law is lazy). The commercial ends with dad going back to his place and helping his wife. It also ends with the hashtag #sharetheload. Don’t think this is unique to India. This is very much a reality here, too. If I wasn’t told the ad was from India, I would have thought, based on language, that it was made here and targeting the South Asian market. Think about it. We have worked very hard in attempting to make changes (and things are progressing. Slowly, but still progressing), but guys have done very little to make things easier for us, relatively speaking. On average, we still take much more of the housework and it’s US who would typically make career sacrifices for family or for the spouse. Only fairly recently have some men started taking parental leave. And that “some” is still very small. So WHY aren’t more guys sharing the load? Because it isn’t “cool” to do so? Because they don’t want to make sacrifices/hurt their career? Well, many women don’t want that either. I don’t have a family yet, but I can see how it can be harder to move up, career-wise, and thus, earn more money/break the “glass ceiling” if you technically have two jobs – one paid and another pro bono. And if a mother takes an entire year off of parental leave? Well, she’s one (at least) year behind in her career. It’s one’s choice to take the entire year off, but don’t complain about the lack of promotion or salary increase – other than any annual increases one might get. And we also need to stop calling the entire year MATERNITY LEAVE – at least here in Canada. Personally, I feel this is ONE of the reasons why fewer guys take time off. The first portion – 15 or 16 weeks, I believe – is maternity. And that only goes to moms who were pregnant. The remaining? PARENTAL.
I think I’ve ranted on enough, so I will spare you before this post gets too far over 1,000 words. I never write this much!
Image credit: tomertu/ShutterStock
