When I was in my early 20s, I begged my parents to send me to a finishing school in Switzerland. A bona fide school where I would be trained in social graces, international etiquette and everything that goes with a standard finishing school curriculum. We even found one and asked for an application. I was going to spend the summer after university there. Didn’t end up going. Why? 9/11. Became afraid to fly. This is something I regret.
A nice afternoon tea setting (where proper manners should be observed)
During that period, I wrote at least two articles for my university’s newspaper on how I felt about the lack of “properness” in the 21st century. Each time, I was heavily criticized. I was called “dated” and if I recall correctly, “sexist.” All because I wanted to be a “proper lady.” Actually, I don’t think I ever said THAT. I just ranted about the casualization of society, as I do now on this site. However, critics seemed to believe that I was sexist, racist and elitist among other labels. Elitist, perhaps, but sexist? Racist? Why do people always have to think “proper” means traditionally “male” and “Eurocentric” anyway? There are many different definitions of “proper” and modern day finishing schools tend to teach that.
When it comes to sexism, I can arguably say that finishing school/etiquette seminars are indeed FEMINIST (which I noted in an article from 2011). We all want to see more women in the c-suites, right? Well, as an executive, you NEED to know how to interact with a wide range of cultures. You don’t want to, after all, embarrass yourself abroad (or even in your own country if you’re hosting international business people). Thus, you NEED to learn. If you don’t, you’re NEVER going to make it “up there” even if you “lean in” more than anyone else. And this is ESPECIALLY the case if you’re from a more “disadvantaged” background. Don’t try to force people to accommodate YOU and act like a spoiled brat – accommodation should only happen if it’s truly legitimate (religion or health, for example). Even people like Mark Zuckerberg, who is known to wear hoodies to work, have to “know” the rules. Sadly, many young people don’t anymore. Instead, when people say they believe these rules need to exist, it is criticized as being “old school.” However, the rebellious ones, the non-comformists, so to speak, are praised for trying to “change the world.” Sometimes, these so-called “old rules” NEED to exist. We aren’t as “bad” as you think.
Image credits: mcmc (afternoon tea); PlusONE (feminism). Both via ShutterStock
