Within every generation there is a counterculture that seeks to challenge societal conventions. In the 1960s, psychedelic guru Timothy Leary famously urged young people to “Turn on, tune in, drop out” – that is, detach themselves from their surroundings with the use of LSD. It is hard to imagine this message resonating with today’s hyper-caffeinated and hyper-connected generation; nevertheless, our increasingly hectic world seems poised for a revolution of some sort. A movement toward a simpler, agrarian way of life sees transformative possibilities, not with the use of mind-altering substances, but by ridding oneself of toxins altogether. To this end, a new, week-long retreat at The Ranch at Live Oak in Malibu, California provides a welcome escape for those on the verge of sensory overload. Providing a much more wholesome alternative than the kind of “trip” Dr. Leary had advocated, the Ranch asks us to surrender our mobile devices, internet addictions and unhealthy diet in favour of clean eating and plenty of exercise. Log off, tone up and detox, if you will.
The Ranch Dining Room
A detoxification program involves cleansing the body’s system of impurities. According to the Ranch, this requires us to give up meat, dairy, alcohol, sugar, caffeine, gluten and artificial sweeteners; follow a vegan diet made up of whole foods; and consume copious amounts of water. This regime is combined with approximately ten hours a day of rigorous activity to further purge the body of unwanted toxins. But as any junkie will tell you, it is much easier to wean oneself off of vices gradually than to quit cold turkey. And so guests of the Ranch are sent a 30-day pre-arrival plan to help them get ready for the challenging road ahead. The Ranch’s Director of Guest Relations, Melissa Newman, advises guests that the more seriously they take the pre-arrival program, the more they will get out of their week-long stay. Guests are encouraged during this phase to hike, attend yoga classes, increase strength training and eliminate toxic foods from their diet (an email sent three weeks in begins, “Put down that cup of coffee and throw the candy in the trash.”). A detailed packing list of what to bring is also provided (this is important to follow as there is no store on the property). Melissa is also available to field any questions about changes in diet or exercise habits during this phase. This careful attention to each guest’s preparation distinguishes the Ranch from many other destination health spas where guests can be as active or inactive as they please. Followed properly, the month-long pre-arrival plan will not only facilitate an easier transition to the week at the Ranch, but also enable guests to develop better eating and exercise habits in their every day life. A short stay at the Ranch is intended to provide lasting benefits.
And so, four weeks later, thirteen other guests and I make our way to the Ranch, which is located on 120 acres of lush, rolling hills in the Santa Monica Mountains. Upon arrival, we are assembled in the main lodge, which is tastefully decorated with reclaimed wood and clean lines. But, despite the chic ambience, we are quickly reminded of the reasons we are here. Each of the guests is taken to be weighed and measured, and then interviewed by the Ranch’s Program Director, Marc Alabanza, who tries to gauge the degree to which we had prepared for our stay. It turns out no one had adhered to the pre-arrival plan entirely: a few guests managed to cut back on their caffeine, aspartame and alcohol intake, while a couple of others had ignored the preparation plan altogether (one woman brazenly admitted to smoking the night before she arrived). Marc warns us of the adverse consequences (nausea, headaches and the like) we may face for our failure to follow the preparation plan. One by one, guests leave their interviews with a sheepish look on their face, and the waiting area for the rest of the group takes on the form of an impeding meeting with the school principal.
Santa Monica Mountains
Though the ritzy location and price of the retreat ($5,600 for the week, plus gratuities) will invariably attract Type-A celebrities, high-level executives and perhaps some Real Housewives, Marc is careful to note that the daily four-hour-plus hikes act as “a great equalizer. It doesn’t matter here how much money you make, or what kind of car you drive. We are all here to face the same challenges”. And so we do, beginning at 5:30 the next morning, when we are gently awakened by the sounds of chimes and a knock on our cabin doors to get us to our first yoga-stretch class of the day. This class is followed by a modest-sized breakfast before we embark on the Ranch’s trademark daily ten-mile hike. At the outset, the trek seems manageable enough, but after a few miles, the grueling, uphill climbs have the effect of transforming even the happiest camper into a sniveling complain-meister. “Water, water, water, everyone” is the command we hear repeatedly over the walkie-talkies, our reminders to keep sipping from our hydration packs. A brief respite occurs at the two-hour mark, when we are given our snack, consisting of four almonds one day and an apple on another, along with a pinch of red Hawaiian sea salt to help keep our electrolyte levels up.
After the hike, guests shuffle back to the main lodge for lunch, after which we are encouraged to take a nap (we gladly do). Our mid-day slumber in our cabin’s delicious queen-sized beds is interrupted with another wake-up call as our instructors call out over the walkie-talkies, “Attention Ranch guests: fifteen minutes until your afternoon classes”. And so we soldier on for another four hours of activity consisting of foam roller stretch classes, strength-training, aquatics classes in the saltwater pool (weather permitting) and a Vinyasa yoga class to end the day. Somewhere in between, a deep-tissue massage is scheduled, a most welcome treat.
This routine is repeated each day with little variation although each of the hikes takes place on a different trail (the Ray Miller trail is particularly stunning – assuming, of course, you are able to see straight past Mile Six). But, despite the unrelenting nature of the program, the week is made bearable, even enjoyable at times, by the spirited fitness instructors who possess the perfect mixture of compassion and tough love. Keri leads the group hikes with aplomb, trying to keep everyone motivated while helpfully tying yellow ribbons around poisoned oak trees for us to avoid. Luke, a Zen Buddhist and boxer with a friendly demeanour makes us maximize our potential in a challenging TRX class (during which one participant cries out, “Is the F-word banned at the Ranch too?!”). Pixie’s yoga classes are nothing short of inspiring, while Kate’s core class creates enough “burn” in our abs, even Jane Fonda would be impressed, were she in attendance (and she may well be, considering the Ranch’s A-list clientele). Though night-life at the Ranch is non-existent, there are a couple of after-dinner lectures led by a registered dietician and a doctor with an integrative approach to Eastern and Western medicine. Both of these experts offer guests sage rules to live by.
Guests also look forward to what Chef (aka “nutritional alchemist”) Kurt Steeber has prepared for the day’s three meals, each of which averages about 400 calories. The majority of his dishes, made up of seasonal vegetables from the property’s organic garden, garner rave reviews (a roast cauliflower “steak“ and a shaved asparagus entrée delight even the most staunch carnivores); while a select few, not so much (a forest-green breakfast smoothie consisting of kale, avocado, ginger and pineapple single-handedly unleashes everyone’s inner six-year-old, with some guests defiantly refusing to drink any of it).
So what does all of this sacrifice and willpower amount to in the end? In quantifiable terms, I clock in five-and-a-half pounds lighter and six-and-a-half inches leaner when the week is up. More importantly, the Ranch has delivered on its promise of increased mental clarity, renewed energy and a general sense of well-being. The perfect antidote to a fast-paced world filled with fast-food indeed.
Travel subsidized by The Ranch at Live Oak
Images courtesy of The Ranch at Live Oak
