Totally WTF, right? But this was what my grandmother told me to discourage me from dancing. I only know one other person who had a family member tell her that and yes, she, too is first generation Canadian with Chinese immigrant family members. Maybe it’s just misunderstanding, something that was lost in translation, but that’s how we both took it. And that’s why I never really went too far in dance and didn’t even get back into anything that was closely related until I reached adulthood when no one could tell me what to do.
I was actually told a lot of weird things from family members and like the ballet comment, I’m not sure if it’s just lost in translation. A lot of it had to do with fitness – I was discouraged from liking gym (and this was probably why I barely passed)! My parents weren’t nearly as stringent, but my grandmother had much more of an influence on me (besides discouraging fitness, she also didn’t think it was “lady-like” to do housework and I had to beg to be allowed to cook and bake (so I could pass badges for Brownies and Guides)). Looking back, it might also have to do with differing views on body image. Having a toned body just didn’t come into play for older Chinese people. A young woman had to look “delicate” and “delicate” didn’t mean that you had arms like Michelle Obama or a stomach like Gwyneth Paltrow. This is, of course, not really as much of a cultural issue than generational. Just watch any beach movie from the 1950s. Everyone, male or female, looked…flabby by our standards.
Some of the comments did make sense. My grandmother was big on STEM subjects, before it was a “thing” to encourage girls to take them. After all, my mom majored in STEM (physics and math) in university and worked in IT back in the 70s, 80s and into the early 90s before deciding to become a stay-at-home mom (I was one of the first kids on the street to get a DOS machine). I, on the other hand, wasn’t all that interested, no matter how hard my mom tried (she even sent me to computer camp. I was one of the only kids who couldn’t code). Did I make a mistake by NOT going into STEM? Probably not. I wasn’t much for science and IT, anyway. If I were to have chosen a more “non-traditional”/traditionally “male” route, I would have probably followed my dad into finance. Can you see me as an investment banker or portfolio manager? I do bark at the stock market when I work out (I usually watch HGTV, the Food Network or one of the business channels when I’m at the gym).
But back to the whole legs and fitness thing. It’s too bad I never had a chance to have my grandmother clarify. I am sure she wouldn’t be too pleased to find out that both barre and more of a “traditional” ballet drop in class are part of my fitness routine, in addition to weight training and working out on the elliptical (actually, I’m not sure if she’d be pleased that I have a fitness routine, PERIOD). But I feel so much better than I did when I was doing little. And I wish I had the guts to tell my grandmother that she was wrong when I was a teenager. Besides, how on earth are we supposed to stay fit without exercising and gaining muscle? If we sit on our bottoms all day munching on bon bons, we’re all going to get fat. And lazy. And sick.
Did anyone else have grandparents like this? Do you think it’s generational or cultural?
Image credit: Gergely Zsolnai /Shutterstock
